Rejection
This past week has surely been an eye opener for many, myself included. We are focusing on issues that are bonding us together in a fight for humanity. I’ve had to deal with feelings I thought were buried so far down into my psyche that I needed a map to find them, but on the other side of it was growth.
On Twitter there was a shift toward lifting up and helping Black authors in their journey to get published. I sat for a long time before asking myself if I reached out to one of these helpers, would they think I was black enough to be worthy or would they reject me? I know that is such a sick thought to have, but it crossed my mind. I’ve been mistaken for many different races in my 30 years, and it wouldn’t surprise me if someone questioned my ethnicity again. I spoke with my husband about it and he just looked at me and told me to stop, that I didn’t need to convince anyone I was black enough. WOW. I didn’t realize that for years and years I had been so used to being seen a certain way that it became part of my identity and fear.
My fear was bore out of my upbringing. I have a black dad and a Romanian dad (who is much darker than I,) and I fear for both of them. I am a bi-racial woman with a black dad, yet I grew up with racism from both races. I was never black enough to be accepted by the black people in my high school, and I was too black to be accepted by some white people as well. I remember having friends whose parents were okay with us being friends, but didn’t want their kids dating in my race. Even though I was either too black or not black enough, it hurt the same. My kids will most likely go through the a similar situation because they are so fair skinned. Does that make it right? Absolutely not.
This week I also got my first two rejections, and I felt at peace about them. Why? Because I know that there will always be someone that my brand is not right for. Whether it is an agent who isn’t looking for a story like mine, or friends whose parents don’t agree with interracial relationships. I’m just going to keep working hard and growing. I’m rejecting anything that tells me that I am not enough, or makes me feel less than. I pray through this time of chaos that we grow as a nation and learn to love and accept one another. If we chose hate, that is all we will know, and all our legacy will be. When my kids learn about 2020 in their history books I hope they see a time of growth, acceptance, and love. If you are protesting, please stay safe and my prayers will be with you. Take care of one another, and love your neighbor. God Bless <3
